Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
