I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
