So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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