I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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