y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think your dad took our porno
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
