I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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