covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
third nipple confirmed
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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