thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
