i think my tv is drunk
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just threw up on my dentist
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
