So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
