it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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