Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
