And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
