I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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