We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
