New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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