Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
