His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
They have beer where we have blood.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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