its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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