So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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