You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
