she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
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