Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
