When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
