Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
