you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
