did you get engaged???
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
