Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
