sarcasm needs its own font
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
