Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
