You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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