I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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