Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
