U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
