Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Randomize
