i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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