he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
