AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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