Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
operation harelip BJ is a go
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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