let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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