Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
