I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
