Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
