you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
