I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
