Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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