I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
