don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
