I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
