Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
