just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
